say so

All I am being told is that to woo women, I have to ignore them.
Clearly this is mad.
I am lonely. I don't want to ignore or be ignored.

Is this just the way it goes or the kind of woman I like?

futures

Stuff is looking up.
I have good friends.
I am doing to do some learning.
I've been going to the pub a lot.
I have eaten 4 different chicken sandwiches in 4 days.

AMAZING

new feeling

I saw my Dad cry this evening. That was weird. I don't think it's ever happened before. Times are a-changing. Thats one thing for sure. I think he was just happy that Bry is ok and sad that he has never been a great father. Maybe he'll do something about it.

I have got Pokemon SoulSilver. I say its to bond with brother Ben. Its mostly to beat his little 6 year old self so he can learn to respect his gaming elders. And because I love Pokemon obviously.

I have named my rival Tom. Yeah, I'm talking to you, you cunt. Take that with your fucking Totodile.

come on home...

Again feeling very round and about and up and down today. Me and Mark went to the quiz tonight and had a good time, we randomly bumped into Jess and Steph which was weird and they joined in with us which was even weirder. Most weird was Barker winning the quiz for the second week in a row. How awful is that?

I am surviving the Clara not being here and me not being able to talk to her. I've internalised her so I kind of talk to her in my head. She always used to say that she did this for me. I liked that a lot. Oh well.

I'm attempting to deal with things by trying to make something happen with Lindsay. This is talking to a brick wall though. Occasionally a wall that leads you on a little. She confuses me in a million ways. Well, at least 3.

In brilliant news, mine and Stuart's synopsis has been sent to some well known companies and RDF Media have emailed back. They like it which is fucking excellent. I'm trying not to get ahead of myself (hubris is not good) but it is exciting. I really want to make something of this. I really preferred by Quiz Night idea initially but we've really made something out of Temporary. Just gotta get the scripting down really. I think I will use the Quiz Night idea, maybe as a novel or something. It could work really well. Maybe a movie? Certainly the idea of two best friends being in love with their other, much nicer, friend's girlfriend is a good idea for a teen sex comedy? I'm going to get on that.

[STALINIST REVISIONISM] Oh well. Stuff like this is rubbish.

so I can be the beacon of hope that you've always expected

So here we are. I think I started this blog, the second version of it at least about a year ago now. But I never posted. This was obviously stupid. I'm on it now.

Things have been weird and mental lately. Me and Clara broke up and I thought I was happy about that. I thought we were going to have some time apart for a while and learn about ourselves and what we really need. I started in this theme by nearly immediately sleeping with Holly. This was good. Rebound's are needed and obviously great. Unfortunately she then decided she wasn't a free spirit, she was just in love with the ex-boyfriend who broke up with her. My fault on all levels. I'm sorry about that. Holly is cool and brilliant and I never wanted to hurt her. So Holly, I'm sorry.

Then after that I realised the levels of my loneliness. I don't have any I can really talk to about things without Clara and without Holly talking to me and conversation with Alfred being limited.

I wanted to get back with Clara because ultimately I love her and want to be with her. However, she already has moved on. With Tom. Who seems like a bit of a dull dickhead. She likes him though. I should of left it and played a long game but I didn't. I acted like a knob end. I've probably made it worse. But i'm leaving it alone now. We'll see how it goes.

I don't know if I really want to be with Clara or if I'm just in need of the idea of Clara. I spent a lot of time over the last two years relying on her emotionally and I am missing that. But that wasn't good of me. In fact it is what she says is tore her away from me. Sometime you can just never win.

Also involved with all this are just my feelings for other girls. Obviously there are people that I've always liked and would like to see and learn more about. Perhaps the most important out of these at the moment is Lindsay, who is borderline pure evil but actually is amazingly interesting. She's attractive and clever and likes good films. Like foreign ones. Where are the girls like that? Here apparently. I don't know how she feels about me or I really feel about her either. I suppose we should work that out. This could be a really good thing though. It could get me over everything. I'd really like that.