what is right and what is easy

I have so much to say. SO MUCH. But none of it I can be said really. I feel like my heart is exploding with life, leaping out of my chest, stuck in my throat. It wants to be on my sleeve, bleeding.

It's been a good week really. Flowing between some perfect days and perfect moments with the perfect people and the sense that I am on my comeback, that I can be the greatest person that I can ever be, flowing to the sense of dread and despair and jealousy and hatred and envy and rage and sickness rising up my throat, full of bile. Some days I want to destroy the world. Destroy all of existence, leaving just a vacuum, leaving just you and me.

The way things are going, I think that i'll have to make a decision soon.

It's always the same decision. There is what is right, what is easy. The problem could be that what is right is unattainable. She sure seems it.

The problem is that I need to be loved. and there is no one to love me.